Whyareyounotsleeping - a poem

If M was asked to write a song about this night, this is what the lyrics would probably be:

One, two, three, four - throw your dummy on the floor,
Five, six, seven, eight - mama, pick it up again!
Nine, eight, seven, six - can I have some nice warm milk?
Five, four, three, two - I was just messing with you.

But this bottle I will keep,
Cause there's no way I'll go to sleep!
Maybe I will cry a bit?
Or throw a proper screaming fit?
We'll find out what the night will bring...
You're my bitch and I'm the king.

Two, three, four, five - just checking if you're still alive.

"Peppa Pig" is not what I want to hear

When your child wakes up at 1 a.m. crying loudly and after you ask her if anything hurts, she starts hysterically screaming "Peppa Pig" on repeat, you know she's been watching too much TV. Or too little. Or she's in pain. Or she had a bad dream. Or she just wants to be cuddled. Our she's a spoiled brat. You don't know anything, actually. "Peppa Pig" is a horrible answer to almost any question asked in the middle of the night.

Go Germany!

M got a German flag from a friendly functioning alcoholic in our local McDonald's which made her pretty happy. And even though she misunderstood me when I told her to wave the flag, she enjoyed waving AT the flag for a couple of minutes nevertheless. 

Choose your battles

Choose your battles wisely. When your child wants to go out in the rain wearing sandals, you should probably say No. But if she insists on taking the spoon with her on a walk, there's no need to argue.

Rainy morning art

We were making art on a rainy morning, using different techniques and materials - markers on paper, playdough on paper, markers on face, playdough on clothes and repeatedly attempted, but nevertheless unsuccessful, playdough on face technique.

Tell my why I don't like Wednesdays

M was not excited about getting up today. I had to wake her up by lifting the blinds and she just groaned, rolled over and ignored me. The first words she whispered to me were: "I need coffee". Ah, M. We all feel like this sometimes. But those toys are not going to play on their own, you have to step up and face your responsibilities!

Reasons for a tantrum

Here's a list of things which M found upsetting between 6.45 and 7.45 this morning: 
1. I wanted to take her pyjamas off 
- crying time: 3 minutes 
- distraction: offer her different clothes to wear
2. She didn't want to wear any of her clothes 
- crying time: 5 minutes 
- distraction: give her a tub of cream to play with
3. After happily and generously applying cream on her legs and my nose while I got her dressed, it was time to take the cream away
- screaming and crying time: 4 minutes
- distraction: show her something really interesting in the bathroom
4. After "washing" her hands and splashing around in the sink while I got ready, it was time for breakfast, which meant no more playing with water
- proper hysterical meltdown time: 8 minutes, which gave me a chance to prepare breakfast without her hanging around in the kitchen yet I knew by her screams exactly where she was (in the bathroom, next to the sink, for all eight minutes)
- distraction: food
5. She really enjoyed her breakfast even though me giving her blueberries instead of a banana caused some non-committed moaning (45 seconds). But two cereal flakes left in the bowl when I took it away caused...
- crying time: 4 minutes, even after she had both of the flakes
- distraction: our neighbours rang the doorbell to take her to the daycare
6. She was put in the car seat
- moaning time: I have no idea, I closed the car door and left in a hurry
- distraction for mama: a long walk and a nice cup of coffee, followed by a long post on Facebook which I'll be able to show her in 15 years time.