A weekend sans baby

In bed relaxing with absolutely no chores or obligations for the next 48 hours. No baby, no dog. I'm about to do some sudoku puzzles just because I can.

I love alcoholics

Anyone drinking a third beer at 17.26 on a Sunday is a friend of mine.

Disgusting things I caught Klara eating

Disgusting things I caught Klara eating, listed from "I wouldn't eat that" to "This makes me want to puke": 
half chewed food M spat out and threw on the floor, 
half eaten burger found next to the trash bin, 
random used tissues, 
half digested pasta someone puked out, 
sheep poo, 
goose poo, 
human shit (worse than a poo).

Girls just wanna have fun

What an insane evening! I just downed a full glass of warm cocoa and wrapped some of the Christmas gifts while watching TV!

First driving lesson

I had a missed call on my phone, but when I called the guy back, he said he couldn't talk because he was in a driving lesson. And he's not a driving instructor. I'm not sure he understands how driving actually works. Lesson one: don't answer the phone when driving, especially if you're still learning how to drive.

Dummies, dummies everywhere

M just casually opened J's underwear drawer and took out her dummy. I wonder where else we'll find them!

It's nice when you find yourself entertaining

I was tidying up the kitchen with my back turned to M when I heard her laugh out loud. She was taking sips of water and spitting them back out. I probably shouldn't encourage her to play with food but it did seem like a lot of fun so I was torn between telling her t stop it and laughing along. I chose smiling with my back turned away from her. Until I decided that her happy, throaty laugh and that moment in general were too precious to miss just for a sake of discipline so I took out my camera and filmed it all.

Navigation fail

Today's not my day. Instead of having breakfast with friends like we planned 2 weeks ago, I'm 36 km away from their house, having breakfast with M at a random bakery in Vaterstetten. Navigation and orientation are not my strong points.

Sleep walking

That awful moment when you have to get out of your warm, cosy bed to make a bottle for the third time that night and only when you hear your baby scream even louder, you realise that you dreamt about making that bottle, you're still in bed and you have to get up again. For real.

Lost in translation?

A neighbour commented today on "how big our son was" and the woman whose dog Klara sometimes plays with told me that "our boy has really nice blonde hair". It doesn't bother me at all that people mistake M for a boy, but I talked to these particular people about M at least 10 times in the last year. Maybe my German's way worse than I thought.

Dummies' paradise

I couldn't believe how many dummies we were losing. There never seemed to be any around when I needed them. And then I found eleven (11!) behind M's bed. 

A dog-baby collaboration

Klara doesn't sneak in the kitchen while we're eating breakfast to secretly eat whatever food M's dropped any more. She now lies comfortably under M's chair, waiting for M to actively throw her the food. All three of us had toast and eggs for breakfast. 

Baby's favourite cuddly toy

They say a baby should have a cuddly toy to carry around with her to feel safe. M wasn't interested in any toys of that kind until recently, when she discovered a doggy, who she's very affectionate towards. Unfortunately, he happens to be a door stopper, too heavy and impossible for her to even lift, let alone carry anywhere. I guess she'll feel very safe in front of her room at least...

Hair styling fun

A list of things I put in M's hair today: a hair clip. 
A list of things M put in her hair today: some banana, some salmon, quite a lot of porridge and a little bit of mascara. She obviously knows more about hair styling than me.

Autumn's coming...

Autumn's coming... I know for sure because twice today, in the beautiful piles of colourful fallen leaves, I couldn't find Klara's poo.

Everything freaky is less weird with a dog

Almost all of the potentially weird things seem less freaky if you have a dog with you. Hanging out in the bushes, walking through the park after dark, screaming random commands... But if you choose to drink coffee out of a normal coffee cup while sitting in a parked car, having a dog sit next to you on a passenger seat makes you seem weirder. Surprisingly.

Meeting an apologetic dog owner

A tiny dog, off the lead, on the pavement of a busy road, jumped on Klara. His owner apologised but didn't call him and he kept him off the lead. The dog kept following us and jumping on Klara but his owner just kept apologising, without calling the dog even though I was pulling my dog away and pushing the pram. Eventually I stopped to see what happens and the owner did put his dog on the lead. After the dog PEED ON THE PRAM. That got us all confused.

Lullaby

Roses are red, 
Violets are blue, 
I want to sleep daughter, 
Why don't you?

M's first birthday

A year ago we woke up in a hospital next to a tiny, wrinkly, helpless baby, feeling very confused about what to do with her. Since then we've been watching her grow and learn and change a little every day, while learning and changing ourselves. It was the most challenging and amazing year. 
We love you, M. You're great. Happy birthday!

Waiters know when you'll give birth

This time last year J and I were having dinner in an Italian restaurant. He was enjoying his pumpkin soup and I was breathing through quite painful contractions. On our way out, the waiter who was watching me trying to eat, told me I was going to give birth very soon, he could tell. 
And... he was wrong. I had another 9 hours to go

Dogs are a mystery

That moment when you see (what you thought was) a male dog pee like a girl and the owner turns to you with a smile and says: "Diarrhea".

Candy Crush makes me feel bad

I'm fine with Candy Crush saying "Level failed" when I don't complete the level. But it makes me feel really bad when again I read on the next screen "You failed". Yes, I know! Why does it have to tell me twice?! Couldn't the other message be motivating? Like "I'm sure you'll succeed in removing all the jelly now" or "It doesn't matter that you're wasting your time, you're sooo good at this game!" Candy Crush makes me feel like a failure.

My life's almost perfect

I wish I had some popcorn to go with the ice cream I'm eating while playing Candy Crush with ANTM in the background.

Is my baby sick? How to tell?

Two definite signs that M's feeling really unwell: she lets me cuddle her without any wriggling and she's not even slightly interested in the computer mouse. We have two out of two tonight.

YOLO!

Already excited about putting comfortable clothes on and watching TV this evening! 

Baking sucks

I bake extremely rarely and I'm very unsuccessful at it when I do bake, but after watching The Great British Bake Off today, I felt inspired. I found a recipe, I carefully weighed the flour and butter, I took out never-before-used food processor and preheated the oven (none of which I usually do because I'm too lazy - maybe that's why I'm crap at it?) and I felt really good about the whole baking thing until I realised we have no eggs at home. I guess I skipped the first step in which you actually check if you have all the ingredients. Baking's difficult!

Baby fact

J's morning wisdom and probably the most important thing you'll ever hear about babies: "A baby without soft skin is like a duck without a face."

Another random dream

In my dream, I went for a random jog in Olympia Park because I still had half an hour to kill before work, with a huge bag full of teaching material over my shoulder, wearing my flip-flops and one of M's T-shirts in adult size. I won't attempt that in real life, sounds like a horrible idea.

Favourite toys

M has an incredible amount of toys because everyone in our family's constantly buying her stuff. The last thing she got was a dancing and singing horse. Her favourite toys this month are toilet paper rolls, empty cardboard boxes and my family dog's rubber balls.

It makes me want to puke #1

I almost puked on top of the puke Klara was eating.

Things I don't like

With quite a lot of certainty I can say that I don't like waking up at 5.55 and playing with wooden blocks at 6.28.

Morning walk from hell

A moany, fussy baby, an energetic and disobedient dog and an exhausted, irritable mum are not a perfect combination for a morning walk. Or anything else, to be honest. 
Of course, I'm just guessing that. I don't know it from personal experience because we're all having a wonderful time and Klara didn't just almost break my wrist and M isn't constantly throwing her dummy on the floor and screaming and I had wonderful 8 hours of sleep without waking up every hour. 
I feel bad for the theoretical family from the first sentence.

Calming the dog down

Things that could get your normally wild dog to walk next to you without the lead: being very tired, being very hot, being attacked by a crow.

Night time routine

I picked M up from the daycare. We then played for a bit, she had her dinner, I gave her a nice long bath and we listened to her favourite lullaby. Very relaxed and calm end of the day. She's now in her bed... banging her dummy against the rails and laughing out loud like a maniac.

Sexy mama

Walking down the street in my short skirt I get a lot of stares. That's cause I have Klara, the strange looking ghost dog, walking next to me. And also because I used a huge Edeka bag to pick her poo up.

What's worse than a baby being car sick?

The thing worse than a baby being car sick and puking is a baby being car sick and puking three times, twice on the way there and once on the way back. And all that during a 15 minute drive.

A thoughtful baby

M already knows me very well. She recognises when I'm completely exhausted or when I'm stressed because I have loads of work to do or, like today, both. That's when she decides to take only a 20 minute nap instead of sleeping for an hour and a half. She just doesn't want me to be lonely. So thoughtful.

People can see me

I have to remember that people can see me when I stare at them. Even when I can't see their eyes because they have sunglasses on.

Baby's first haircut

For his birthday, J gave M her first hair cut. We'll post photos after her hair grows again.

A holiday apartment

This weekend we're staying in a disgustingly dirty apartment. There are no towels, no toilet paper, no coffee cups, no gas for cooking, but there's a lot of meat in the freezer and a few big spiders.

Thank you parents-in-law #2

Thanks to Moira and Tony I get to enjoy this sunny morning without the baby or the dog. It's extremely difficult to remember my life when I had no responsibilities - how did I spend my time?! I must have been really bored!

Thank you parents-in-law #1

Thanks to Moira and Tony and amazing earplugs, I slept for almost 11 hours last night - my mind's amazed by the fact that I actually WANT to get out of the bed. Best sleep in eight months.

In my childhood room

Sharing my childhood room with a baby and a dog. M's finally not coughing at the moment and I could be sleeping if Klara wasn't scared shitless of the wind outside and is now sitting next to my pillow, staring at the darkness and freaking me out.

Challenges of driving to Croatia #2

After 9 hours of driving (out of which almost two hours were a torture with M's constant groaning and screaming and coughing), we're finally in Rijeka. M's shouting and being generally grumpy, family dog just puked, Klara's barking at random things in the garden and I still have to unload the car. And there's no one at home to help me. It's difficult to stay positive.

Challenges of driving to Croatia #1

M, Klara and I are driving to Croatia on our own. 
Challenge no. 1: after the Austrian border, at the petrol station, I realised I left all of my bank cards at home. I had just enough money for the petrol and vignettes.

The best husband

J's doing the night shift tonight and I went out. We decided that I was going to sleep in the guest room to get proper sleep. When I came home, the bed was already made and there were my pajamas, eye mask, ear plugs, a glass of water and paracetamol (for my Weißbier headache) - all waiting for me. I have the best husband in the world.

Chatting to neighbours

M and I spent time in the garden, chatting to our Croatian neighbours while watching them play table tennis. The woman was very bad at table tennis and small talk, equally. Her husband, who has three grandsons, was quite happy to find out that M was a girl (despite her blue hoodie) because "girls are a lot cuter".

Little life pleasures

I have a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night because... J just went to the petrol station to get ice cream and chocolate! And then we'll watch some TV.

Looking for a giant

I succeeded in getting M to sleep after almost 2 hours of struggle but now I can't sleep myself. I need someone to rock me, sing to me and feed me warm milk from a bottle. Where can I find a giant with nursing skills at 5 a.m.?

The advantage of being sick

The only positive thing about M being sick is that she lets me cuddle her without kicking her legs or trying to stick her finger up my nose. Other than that, it really sucks.

Klara's just embarrassing

Klara wanted to jump on a little dog she saw about ten meters away so she lowered her head and started her approach slowly and carefully. She didn't see there was a little stream between them though. She started to run, she tried to break, she fell into the water and then walked across the stream towards the dog. He was not impressed when she tried to scare him after pulling herself out. It was just embarrassing for everyone.

The opposite of drinking

M's doing the opposite of drinking - she's filling the cup up with her spit!

Our dog, the squirrel hunter

Even after so many years of failure, Klara still believes she can catch a squirrel. She's good at quietly approaching it and then running fast towards it. She just needs to master the skill of climbing trees. Luckily, she still has plenty of time to practice.

I know how to make coffee

My coffee seemed incredibly weak until I realised I forgot to put coffee into the machine and I was just drinking warm milk. This means I'm actually drinking extra strong milk which is way better than extra weak coffee.

Life can be good

Nothing lasts forever, including this horrible winter. Just a little bit of sun is enough to remind me that life can be good and that I don't have to be irritated by everyone and everything around me. I smiled at the woman who shouted at Klara to "slow down and play gently with her dog because he can't run as fast". I even explained that there was no way my dog can understand that command. Thank you, sun, for not allowing me to secretly hate that extremely annoying woman.

Not sleeping has its consequences

I'm so tired that in the last hour I put used paper towels in the washing machine, almost caused a car accident and decided it was a great idea to push the pram through the park with my eyes closed because that almost counts as a nap. Tomorrow will be six months since I last had a peaceful night of unbroken sleep. The fact that I'm happy when I manage to sleep for three hours makes me want to cry.

First long nap

M took a 2 hour long afternoon nap for the first time in her life today! But she also woke up and insisted on being entertained at 5.40 in the morning so I guess these two things balance each other out.

Skiing trip

Fifth day of our skiing trip. Today I went skiing on my own and so far it was quite eventful. I got a free skiing lesson from an old Austria now ski instructor I met on a chairlift, I fell down hard while walking into a restaurant, I lost a ski pass but in my skiing jacket I found a random key, probably from our skiing trip two years ago. I'll now finish eating my greasy chicken and try to get on a ski lift by using the magic key.

Starting with solids

A month ago, it was recommended by our doctor to start feeding M solids. So far we tried quite a few different things so there's enough information for a list of likes/dislikes:
Food M spits out immediately with a disgusted face: carrots, apples, pears. 
Food M spits out immediately with a straight face: zucchini. 
Food M keeps in her mouth for a few seconds before spitting it out: bananas. 
Actually, we really just have a list of dislikes.

Third wedding anniversary

Three years ago on this date, J and I had our first drink of champagne out of McDonald's coffee cups as a married couple after almost being late to our own wedding. This year M gave us the nicest gift - the best night of sleep since she was born. 
I'm a very happy girl and feel full of love for my little family.

Baby's superpower

M's superpower is making extremely loud noises even with the dummy in her mouth. It's a useful skill when you have a lazy mum who thinks she deserves to sleep longer than 4 hours a night.

Get up J!

The best feeling in the world: waking up to the sound of a crying baby, only to realise that it's after 6 in the morning and it's J's turn to get up.

Baby snooze button

How to get M to please be quiet just for fifteen more minutes please, please? 
Take her out of her sleeping bag and remind her that she has feet. Apparently the task of putting feet in your mouth requires a lot of focus and concentration. 
I discovered a new snooze button!

What's under that chair?

I guess we can't leave M to play on her own any more - after a moment of confusion, J found her happily investigating under our armchair.

13 years to wait

Looking forward to waking M up instead of the other way around. Only 13 years to go!

A horrible guest

M's going to her friend's first birthday party. I dressed her up very nicely but only an hour later I had to change her dress (puke), shirt (wet with spit), cardigan (spit) and tights (puke). Surprisingly, her nappy was dry. And now she fell asleep so we'll definitely be late. She's the worst guest. Never invite her anywhere!

I dream of Robert DeNiro

In my dream, Robert DeNiro just told me that "Thanksgiving is a fool's Boxing Day." Some of my American friends might find this information useful so I had to write it down before I forgot.

How long to keep the placenta in the freezer for?

Four months after giving birth, I received a babycentre newsletter and one of the topics was: "How to eat your placenta?". Their timing is totally off. 

Little Red Riding Hood

I wanted to tell M a story to calm her down before her nap and I first thought of Little Red Riding Hood. I started telling her the story and after an unnecessarily long description of all the food her mother prepared for her granny (I'm on a diet), I realised I didn't know the rest of the story. 
Does her red hood play any role in the story? How and why did the wolf end up in her granny's house? Where and when does the hunter appear? Why didn't the wolf just eat the girl in the forest? 
Well, he did in my version of the story. And he enjoyed all the food from the basket as well. The end.